I was in a coaching session earlier this week with two people in mid-career, who both find themselves facing work-life decisions (which explains I guess why they’ve come to me in Life Navigation Lab!). In amongst the ‘where am I going?’ discussions we also discussed the power of words, the joy of words and, perhaps, we may have started to lament the lack of depth of language within our current times of AI-generated, mass-produced and rapid turnaround, short-lived communications. We might have gone there, it’s true…
So in the spirit of enjoying and celebrating language, I have found myself pondering the word ‘threshold’ in relation to mid and later career decisions and turning points. Threshold is an amazing word that carries so many meanings! Literally, a threshold is an in-between space – the point where you step through a doorway, most commonly known in yesteryear in western society as what a bride was carried across by her new husband! (I’m glad we’ve left that one largely behind us…). It’s both the transition space and the literal piece of infrastructure you step on to walk through.
Yet a threshold is also a marker of a limit or a starting point. Beyond a certain threshold a reaction or change may happen. Or up to a certain point we can tolerate or contain something – but no further.
A place to move through or a place to linger?
There is something else that fascinates me about thresholds.
Most of us treat them as places to pass through as quickly as possible. We want certainty, decisions, plans and answers. We want to know what comes next so we can stop feeling uncomfortable.
Yet in my work as a coach, I have come to see that thresholds are rarely crossed in a single step.
People imagine major life transitions as a doorway. Something you move through, from one job to another; from being single and into a relationship (or the other way around!); from working to retired. We tend to focus discussion and attention on the states on either side of the transition. But life is rarely that neat!
What if we reimagined a threshold as deserving a whole space of its own? What if we created room for the transition experience itself?
Creating a mini-life phase
Most career and life transitions create their own mini-life phase that we inhabit for a while. A temporary phase between identities, between decisions, between certainty and possibility. A phase where the old story no longer quite fits, but the new one has not yet fully emerged. We know something needs to change, but we can’t yet see the shape of what comes next.
It can feel frustrating, unsettling and, at times – and in glimpses, hopefully – tinged with excitement.
But perhaps the discomfort and confusion of feelings during these periods isn’t a sign that something is wrong. Perhaps it is evidence that something important is happening.
Many of the people I work with in mid and later career tell me they feel pressure to have a plan. Friends ask what comes next. Colleagues want to know their intentions. Family members look for reassurance. And sometimes the greatest pressure comes from ourselves.
We assume that uncertainty is a problem to solve. But what if uncertainty is instead a space – a mini life phase – to explore? What if the threshold is not simply a bridge between two known destinations but a fertile place of discovery in its own right?
When we rush through transitions, we are tempted to grab the first answer that presents itself. We make decisions that relieve discomfort rather than decisions that are truly aligned with who we are becoming. When we linger a little longer, something different becomes possible.
We start to notice our assumptions, that up to now have been untested.
We pay attention to what energises us and what drains us.
We become curious about interests that have been sitting quietly in the background for years.
We allow room for possibilities that weren’t visible when we were focused on finding a quick answer.
The challenge, of course, is that lingering in a threshold requires a degree of trust. It asks us to tolerate not knowing.
That’s not always easy.
If you find yourself standing on a threshold at the moment, here are a few things that might help.
Strategies to navigate your own work life threshold
Normalise the uncertainty
Major life transitions are unlikely to feel certain from the beginning. Uncertainty is not a sign of failure or indecision. It is a normal part of navigating change.
Replace pressure with curiosity
Rather than asking yourself, “What should I do?”, try asking, “What am I noticing…?” or “What am I becoming aware of?” Curiosity creates space, while pressure closes it down.
Focus on experiments, not answers
You do not need a five-year plan. You may simply need the next conversation, the next question, the next podcast to listen to, the next small step that provides new information.
Pay attention to your energy
Notice what gives you a sense of aliveness. The threshold can be a place where old motivations fade and new ones begin to emerge. As we move through life, it is totally normal for what sparks our imagination and fires up our energy to change.
Trust that ‘this too shall pass’
Nothing in life, good, bad or confusing, lasts forever. Looking back, many people can see that periods of uncertainty were not wasted time. They were times of integration, reflection and preparation. The path became visible because they allowed themselves to stay with the questions long enough.
Perhaps that is the gift of the threshold – not that it leads us somewhere else, but that it changes us while we are standing within it. It’s the gift of being brave enough (and it does take courage) to create the space and give ourselves permission to linger in the threshold for longer.
And sometimes that lingering is exactly what allows us to recognise the right next step when it finally appears.